[dark night] :)

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* Welcome *

to the chronicles of event that happened in my life

filled with challenges

filled with suprises

filled with expectations

filled with fantasies

Friday, March 03, 2006

my silence

A lot of things have been happening around lately..
i have not been updating my blog for some time..

my immediate emotion now: bored and upset
y?
i dunno..
things have been pretty boring especially my relatioship..
nothing great.. mayb it is bcos of my tiredness..
i still remember, we used to just sit at my room and watch tv last time
sometimes, we will sleep in the room...
things have been pretty relax then..

but since my landlady barred my bf from coming in the house cos she had a pregnant relatives living in the same house....
things have been very difficult for me..

whenever i wanted to meet my bf, we have to meet outside.. there is no more relax moment where we can just sit and accompany each other without saying anything.. we have to constantly searching for a place to laze around... shopping, eating, walking around doing nothing, sitting in the library, cycling... u name it, we have done it all but i still feel boring....sometimes i even feel that i do not have any new topics to talk to him...

mayb it is becos of the constant need to search for a new place..i felt very tired and boring... i can't take it anymore.. on this hand, i am tired of working and going out, i really need rest, but on the other hand, my bf is asking me out, wanted to meet me... if i turn him down, i feel very bad as well...

it have been a very long time since i can really laze at home the whole day, doing nothing, watching tv and sleep whenever i want. i think i really lack of rest..

moreover, i seems to always make careless mistake in my work
i miss something again yest nite.. well, i dunno whether i am a perfectionist or wat, but i always will hope that whenever that i am at work, i can do my job 100% perfect.. ironically, it doesn't always hit that %.

i have been thinking bout my life in the future..

what will i engage in..?????
what kind of career path that i will choose and what sort of women i wanted to be...????? how can i be what i wanted to be??? well, that is really a BIG question for me...

and that BIG answer...
i have not churn it out yet..
need lots of time to think bout it ...
guess this is life...
:)

# shout out by chen | 18:28

2 Comments:

harlow chen-chen!

wow.. long time din hear from you.. n now u've got these modes liao. haha.. since when became so techy? ;P

well.. well.. u know.. there's something i learned abt forgiving. whn ppl do mistakes, we MUST forgive them. but to turn it around, if we do mistakes, whether we like it or not, me MUST forgive ourself also. by forgiving doesn't mean ur excusing urself, it's turning the perspective round, so tat u no longer see urself as the victim, or "tertuduh".

u know wat i mean? we all know tat no body's perfect.. so where comes 100%? we plan n try.. but God decides ultimately, isn't it?

forgive urself, tell urself, "haiya, another mistake. if i do one more mistake i have to help sweep the floor later or treat someone a drink or wink at a cute guy.. etc." jz make ur "self-punishment" delightful n fun, yet... u try ur best to avoid the mistake in future. ;) so u learn n hav fun at the same time rite?

---

jz wondering.. y not meet at his hse? well if tat's not possible.. in my opinion, no need to always look for new places ma.. u can have your very own "gao dei fong/ old meeting place". a special place where only both of u know whr.. like a park.. a playground.. like holding a small picinic every week.. or hav dinner together at the "gao dei fong".. like in kepong, an example of "gao dei fong" are "sai mai lou" and "shui kei".

see wat i mean?

---

Hey.. cheer up dude! life is short! worry not about tomoro. for God has his plans for you, so don't worry. We live today, thus we should enjoy and make full use of our very today.. spiritually.. mentally.. emotionally.. help ur self.. and help other ppl.. let's make life meaningful! ;)

so who will u engage to in future? when? how many kids? is giving birth painful? why worry? if God brought u there.. surely He'll lead you thru. Have faith in Him, and believe me. It's true. ;)

* cheers! hope to see you again soooon.. may be i'll visit u in may, haha.. after i grad. ;P wait for me yup!

By pam, at 1:40 AM, March 05, 2006
thanks for ur advise dear..
:)

By chen, at 3:08 PM, March 08, 2006